Monday, November 30, 2009

Pray... then get to work

"Pray as if everything depended on God. Work as if everything depended on you."
--St. Augustine

Friday, November 27, 2009

Here Comes Christmas

For your edification:

Right off the press: DESERET NEWS, MONDAY, NOVEMBER 16,2009

No Nativity in D.C.

This just in from Washington, D.C.:

The Supreme Court has ruled there will be no Nativity scene this year in the nation's capital. The ruling was not based on any religious principle, however. The problem stems from the inability of Nativity organizers to locate three wise men anywhere in the city. The search for a virgin continues.

On the bright side, there has been no problem finding enough donkeys to fill the stable.

Richard Ewing Davis Salt Lake City


Thursday, November 26, 2009

Happy Thanksgiving

May your stuffing be tasty
May your turkey be plump,
May your potatoes and gravy
Have never a lump.
May your yams be delicious
And your pies take the prize,
And may your Thanksgiving dinner
Stay off your thighs!

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Dude, I can't even jump-rope standing in place

Check this out--I would totally go to the game just to see the half-time show.

Thursday, November 12, 2009

It's All Taken Care Of

This will work for me when I get to that age.

No Nursing Home For Me!

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.

As we left the dining room one
evening I caught her eye and
stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises."

She replied, "Yes, that's true."

I said, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home."

So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:

1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.

2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).

3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.

4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.

5 They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.

6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.

7. Is the T.V. broken? Does a light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.

8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.

9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.

Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America , the Panama Canal , Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?
Princess will have a ship ready to go.
So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.

PS: And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at NO CHARGE!

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Lady Gaga

What I learned in American Studies today:
Turns out Lady Gaga does actually provide some entertainment: